Divorce nearly final- mea culpa

Dear readers,

My divorce is nearly final. We have finished mediation and have an agreed-to settlement that my attorney is writing up for a tentative filing date of 6/3 of this year.

This has been a heart-wrenching process for me. I have found that whenever I got stuck it was because I had some unresolved issues that I needed to deal with and resolve before moving on. The human brain is a remarkable and surprising thing, and in every case I found that while I initially had no clue what my sticking point was, in every case, after sometimes great anguish, I finally had a breakthrough 'aha' moment where the problem was remarkably obvious, and yet I had been totally blind to it.

My personal sticking points were when I had to fully realize and acknowledge the bad things that I have done to bring our marriage to this point. My conscience would not let me move on until I recognized what I had done, acknowledged it, and then apoligized and made amends.

This freed up my spouse so that she could do the same.

I had to come clean to make a clean break.

It is possible that had I come to this realization years ago, we would have never come to this place. I dunno. I know I tried to resolve things then, and could not do it, which is when I turned to drugs to numb my emotions. In hindsight I think that my only other option at that time was to get a divorce then. We had young children. What was the better choice, to divorce then, or to use a bad, temporary method such as drugs to let me 'get by' but also to kick the problem down the road, where it still had to be addressed, and where drugs simply complicated things further.

I have no answer to this question. It does not really matter now. I did what I did and I admit that, I take responsibility for that, and I admit that my choice was hurtful to my wife and to her family. I have apologized to them, sincerely, and now I am moving on.

I'll be getting an apartment, because that is the best solution for this time. It is temporary, and it does not tie me down. As you may know I am now building a new relationship with a wonderful woman, and I need the freedom to follow that where it goes.

Sorry that I have not made frequent posts here. I was doing important work elsewhere - getting my head straight and getting my affairs settled so that I can move on.

Until next time,

Tripp